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03/03/2008, 15:13 J.R's gone native Joined on 16/07/2006 Picardie, Sussex Posts 1,828 Re: My "Totty" post  Catalpa wrote:  J.R. wrote: so I nick-named her "the bimbo" and she loved it! Although I am sure that the irony went over her head. In my view that's a different circumstance as you knew each other (well ) and you presumably bestowed the name with affection, not to belittle her. Did you call her The Bimbo if you and she were with a group of your friends? Good question! The answer is surprisingly yes but it was her that instigated it, as I said she didn't see the irony of it and perhaps was comparing herself to the "model" types (I would choose another word) that Mellor and Halpern were dallying with. I bet she cringes at the memory now. Totty to me is a complimentary term used as a collective noun for a group of women (age unimportant) but usually out for a good time, looking their best and usually (I am always pleased to see) dressed inappropriately for the conditions Hence they would IMHO usually not be upset by it. Whereas Bimbo, yes definitely a derogatory term as is "a Fluffy" however I know one that was delighted and proud to adopt the term as her nickname, perhaps she was actually really intelligent, putting on an act and had a good sense of humour.    Report

03/03/2008, 16:01 Gluestick Joined on 22/03/2006 UK and Nord Pas de Calais Posts 2,342 Re: My "Totty" post Cor dear! A "Fluffy", J.R. Very early 1930s Neville Shute pilot's stuff that!   "Yes, but that apart, Mrs Lincoln, did you enjoy the play?" Gluestick    Report

03/03/2008, 18:31 Frenchie Joined on 31/05/2007 2 Sèvres,79 Posts 3,914 Re: My "Totty" post I am also with an Englishman who is 12 years older than I ...    He was more conscious of that than I when we met .. It was never a problem for me . I have always seen the person only and age is in attitude!! To me, it means nothing.. I was a bit " shocked" to read the term " dirty old man " !! He would laugh I know ........    In a couple, if it is said with humour, I have the feeling any little name is alright.. As we are of different nationality , I love the names he says in English, and he laughs at being called " mon petit poulet" .. I wondered why he never called me " darling" , it sounds really lovely to me, he said I was young and it was slightly old fashioned ( ?? )   Happy    Report

03/03/2008, 19:27 Panda Joined on 29/01/2008 Charente (16) and Vienne (86) Posts 324 Re: My "Totty" post  J.R. wrote: [ Why is someone in their 30's searching for a younger girl a "dirty old man"? The clue is in the question... young girl to me means less than 19.  If you are in you mid 30's and are seeking totty (I hate even typing it!) you are definitely a DOM in my book! No one said anything about age difference being an issue here though for me a 30 year old with a 48 year old, no problem, 17/18 year old with a 34 year old would turn my stomach whether she understood irony of not!!    Report

04/03/2008, 22:44 ErnieY Joined on 05/12/2006 Nr Prayssac (Lot) Posts 3,551 Re: My "Totty" post Christ in a handcart, it's a bl00dy word, nothing more. Why so sensitive I defended it in the other thread because that is all it is and IMO some of you ladies have demeaned yourselves by going off on one like some Victorian debutant swooning at the sight of a hairy male chest and for judging Euro for his use of it in what was utterly obviously a title penned in humour and not offence. Shallow you might call it Would I write it - yes I would although it's not a word which would naturally crop up in my day to day vocabluary. Would I say it - yes I would, along with Crumpet, Skirt, Bird et al, but, and a crucial but, it would depend entirely on the situation and the company and if the ladies present were sophisticated enough to understand it's use in the context of the conversation. I thought we were. Rant over   My doctor said one drink per day, I can live with that !    Report

04/03/2008, 23:22 Russethouse Joined on 23/08/2004 Forum Moderator Posts 9,874 Re: My "Totty" post Pads, When I was 16 I went out with a guy who was 32, I still think he was one of the best looking of my male friends and there was nothing 'dirty old man' about it, my friends thought he was great, his friends were OK, but his friends wives were not that friendly - I wonder why ? Some of the words in this thread like Totty, Skirt etc are what I would term 'Denis Waterman' type words, nothing wrong with that           if you are Denis Waterman http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=A24OeEE68BI www.quimperclub.org 99    Report

05/03/2008, 2:57 Catalpa Joined on 23/08/2004 Southern Manche - 50 Posts 1,514 Re: My "Totty" post  ErnieY wrote: Would I say it - yes I would, along with Crumpet, Skirt, Bird et al, but, and a crucial but, it would depend entirely on the situation and the company and if the ladies present were sophisticated enough to understand it's use in the context of the conversation. If a group of women is happy for you to refer to them as crumpet, skirt, birds or, indeed, totty... sophisticated they are not. Perhaps they'd be humouring a wanabee Dennis Waterman... in a patronising sort of way...    Report

05/03/2008, 4:20 J.R's gone native Joined on 16/07/2006 Picardie, Sussex Posts 1,828 Re: My "Totty" post  Panda wrote:  J.R. wrote: [  If you are in you mid 30's and are seeking totty (I hate even typing it!) you are definitely a DOM in my book! No one said anything about age difference being an issue here though for me a 30 year old with a 48 year old, no problem, 17/18 year old with a 34 year old would turn my stomach whether she understood irony of not!! In 1957 my father was 33 when he married my mother on her 18th birthday, they had the best marriage and strongest relationship that I have ever known, sadly Mum died at 45, my father then courted and married my stepmother who was even younger. He had an equally good second marriage and managed to celebrate not one but two silver wedding anniversaries despite marrying (in those days) quite late in life. He also enjoyed a very close relationship with my Grandfather who whilst not having his stomach turn sensibly made the pair of them wait to marry until mum was 18.  He enjoyed this close relationship as he was treated as an equal by my grandad (they were in fact very close in age) and not as another child. My girlfriend is 14 years younger than me and her parents older by about the same amount, I am in the lucky position of being able to understand and relate to them all. Getting back to dirty old men, I still dont understand what it is that in some womens eyes turns a man into a dirty old man when he reaches a certain age, unless he is either attractive, rich or both. Speaking as a perhaps "dirty old man", who has been both a man and a boy I can say that the basic human attraction towards a woman or girl does not change with age.    Report

05/03/2008, 9:24 Catalpa Joined on 23/08/2004 Southern Manche - 50 Posts 1,514 Re: My "Totty" post  J.R. wrote: Getting back to dirty old men, I still dont understand what it is that in some womens eyes turns a man into a dirty old man when he reaches a certain age, unless he is either attractive, rich or both. Nor do I.  Attraction is attraction - a 35 year-old with an 18 year old does not in any way make the 35 year-old a DOM. Or a DOW for that matter. That's too sweeping a generalisation, so much so (sorry Panda:) in my mind it is bordering on the absurd. When I read Panda's post I put (possibly incorrectly) an emphasis on the word "seeking". I assume people of either (or any) sex look for someone they're happy with - age mostly irrelevant. If someone is actively seeking someone a lot younger to the exclusion of someone nearer their age... it's... interesting. And possibly blinkered. But normally not entering the arena of my definition of a DOM. For me, A DOM label might come into play relative to how someone regards / treats women (or girls), behaves with them, talks about them, particularly with other men... how old the man is isn't particularly relevant. Which brings us back to... using words that disparage people - even in a post-modern, ironic sort of way.    Report

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