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Earning a Living
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 02/02/2008, 20:05
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Frenchie
 
Joined on 31/05/2007
2 Sèvres,79
Posts 3,886
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Re: Moral harrassment on the work place
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Yes, they are women..
I think they would be delighted if Iresigned, but there's no way I'm going to do that . I would only if I had decided it s time for me to move to England. And it's not time yet..
I don't think they know someone to replace me, this is not the way it works, we are appointed by the government , we are civil servants..
It all depends on how many points you ve got , etc..
I 'll keep my job and assert my presence in the work place instead of running away.
Merci encore à tous / toutes!
![Kiss [kiss]](/cs/images/emotions/kiss.gif)
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04/02/2008, 8:35
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londoneye
Joined on 15/11/2005
Posts 937
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Re: Moral harrassment on the work place
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Frenchie
As an ex-HR Manager in a large company I have seen many people go through this; of course it depends entirely on the person how they react, and how they want to deal with the situation, but I so know that this kind of victimisation/bullying, call it what you will, can be devastating for some people.
In dealing with these issues, I would say that the best outcome has always been through the relatively informal mediation route. In the UK, one method of doing this is for the person who is having difficulties to initially have time with the mediator, and then a route forward, which the person being bullied is comfortable with, is agreed. Generally speaking the 'victim' does the work, in the sense of confronting or discussing weith colleagues the issues, but has the support of the mediator in the background. At a later stage it is possible for the mediator to be involved with both 'sides'.
The other two options are of course, go through a more formal route, or leave.
I think you really need to ascertain what mechanisms are available in your work-place to assist you with this. Do you have eg, a company handbook (sometimes incorported into your contract), which sets out the company's stance on such issues? That should really be your first port of call. Armed with that, you can approach the appropriate person in your company and request help, and they will have little option but to try to support you.
Failing that you can turn to French employment law, of which I know little, albeit I doubt it is too different from UK employment law in its fundamentals (and I see someone has posted not far back P ? who probably knows far more than I on this one).
You do need to sort it out though; getting support on here is good and you sound a lovely person, so I hope it helps. But it is not going to keep you going through day after day of stress at work.
Good luck, and let us all know how you get on.
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04/02/2008, 20:59
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Frenchie
Joined on 31/05/2007
2 Sèvres,79
Posts 3,886
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Re: Moral harrassment on the work place
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 londoneye wrote: | Frenchie
As an ex-HR Manager in a large company I have seen many people go through this; of course it depends entirely on the person how they react, and how they want to deal with the situation, but I so know that this kind of victimisation/bullying, call it what you will, can be devastating for some people. It is for my friend...I am worried for her . In dealing with these issues, I would say that the best outcome has always been through the relatively informal mediation route. In the UK, one method of doing this is for the person who is having difficulties to initially have time with the mediator, and then a route forward, which the person being bullied is comfortable with, is agreed. Generally speaking the 'victim' does the work, in the sense of confronting or discussing weith colleagues the issues, but has the support of the mediator in the background. Out head refuses to be the mediator, he says he is no psychologist, he said it would be no use.... I disagree. At a later stage it is possible for the mediator to be involved with both 'sides'.
The other two options are of course, go through a more formal route, or leave.
I think you really need to ascertain what mechanisms are available in your work-place to assist you with this. Do you have eg, a company handbook (sometimes incorported into your contract), which sets out the company's stance on such issues? NO ... That should really be your first port of call. Armed with that, you can approach the appropriate person in your company and request help, and they will have little option but to try to support you.
Failing that you can turn to French employment law, of which I know little, albeit I doubt it is too different from UK employment law in its fundamentals (and I see someone has posted not far back P ? who probably knows far more than I on this one). Tonight I am very confused about the events of the day... But I think Ill go and look for advice with a lawyer.
You do need to sort it out though; Yes, and I don't think putting a lid on top is a way of sloving pbms
getting support on here is good it really helps and you sound a lovely person, so I hope it helps. But it is not going to keep you going through day after day of stress at work.
Good luck, and let us all know how you get on.
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Bonsoir.. very confused, I need to think of other things tonight, because it s on my mind 24 hours a day and I am tired... I need to chat with friends and forget for tonight.. the day has been hectic.. I am disappointed the head doesn't want to start a mediation, and I am worried fr my friend.. If she had no kids she'd be in real danger..
What a nightmare..
Anyway, thanks to you, I really appreciate the time you take to write long messages ans support me.
Thanks............. x
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04/02/2008, 21:55
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sweet 17
Joined on 05/08/2006
charente maritime
Posts 2,355
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Re: Moral harrassment on the work place
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Frenchie
You will have time to think about today's events and then you will be able to put them in context. It probably seems really bad at the moment but you may be able to salvage something from today's meeting.
You were very brave to confront the head and, for the moment, that is enough. You have made progress just by attending the meeting with your friend.
Above all, believe in yourself; that you, Frenchie, is the one who has to find the solution.
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04/02/2008, 22:08
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Normandie
Joined on 03/10/2007
St Lo/Coutances
Posts 33
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![Smile [:)]](/cs/images/emotions/smile.gif)
Re: Moral harrassment on the work place
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Cher Frenchie
No real advice but just wanted to say ...
Sorry to hear of your situation ... sounds like you're taking on board some of the advice that's right for you and are becoming more convinced of your rights and more assertive so that's good.
People can very very jealous of other's happiness and that's probably part of what's going on. Confident colleagues do not undermine others so this is all their problem but you are the one, unfortunately, that needs to deal with the 'manifestation'... You are in the right.
Good luck! Perhaps you can try to do something that helps you relax - in the meantime - to keep things in perspective.
N x
Normandie
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05/02/2008, 12:12
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J.R's gone native
Joined on 16/07/2006
Picardie, Sussex
Posts 1,813
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Re: Moral harrassment on the work place
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Frenchie
Could you please give a little more info that would enable me or others to give specific rather than general advice?
What type of job do you do (I think it is evening shifts)
Is the problem from colleagues at the same level as you? Are they predominantly female as you have suggested?
What ages are they? or perhaps are they a similar or different age(s) to you?
Are they an established group/team and are you and your good friend relative newcomers?
Are they of similar backgrounds/ aspirations/values?
Re your good friend at work, do you have things in common with him/her and not with the others?
You can probably see where I am going with this, to try and find out what they believe that they have in common which isolates them from you, perhaps it's (lack of) intellect or second language.
Do you post on this forum while working?
Dont worry there is always a solution!
Editted
Looks like Twinks has answered some of my questions and has a similar gut feeling to me.
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05/02/2008, 21:08
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Frenchie
Joined on 31/05/2007
2 Sèvres,79
Posts 3,886
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Re: Moral harrassment on the work place
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Bonsoir memb...
Another day in hell...
I have the feeling I am a bull in the arena.. Whatever you do, you know how it will end up.
I NEED to take my mind off it, or Ill lose my mental health !!
My partner and I talked on the phone last night, ( he s in the UK), he said I should write to the boss, write down the whole story and what we asked him and he refused.
You know, I have really read ALL of your kind messages one by one, I m thinking about it all, I want to get out of this situation but it s far from easy.
Thank God I ll be on holidays by the end of the week.................
I can't believe how many people have written on this thread, I did not expect it, all the time you took for me, and it really warms my heart.
merci du fond du coeur.
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06/02/2008, 18:15
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memb
Joined on 18/01/2008
S.W.
Posts 237
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Re: Moral harrassment on the work place
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Bonsoir Frenchie. Thanks for the update and I am sorry to read you are having such a living nightmare. I appreciate you need to switch off from the situation any time you possibly can. Its totally unfair of your boss to not strive for an ending to this matter. I think it is important to get it all written down (and continue making notes of further situations with times and dates) as your partner advised. If the Head still does'nt take your written statement seriously, then I feel the only way to resolve this is to use the legal system......certainly obtaining some advice so you can weigh up the pro's and con's. Have some "me" time, take one day at a time, enjoy that holiday and stay strong.....you will overcome.
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Don't count the years, count the memories!!
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France Forum » Living » Earning a Livin... » Moral harrassment on the work place
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