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11/05/2008, 13:16 ErnieY Joined on 05/12/2006 Nr Prayssac (Lot) Posts 3,551 Re: Silly joke- Series2 Golf Balls A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked;          "Does it hurt as  much as tennis elbow?" My doctor said one drink per day, I can live with that !    Report

12/05/2008, 15:21 now just john Joined on 28/04/2005 Montignac le coq Posts 370 Re: Silly joke- Series2 LITTLE JOHNNY ON GETTING OLDER Little JOHNNY was sitting in the park scoffing one chocolate bar after another. After the 6th one an old man next to him said, "eating all that chocolate isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little JOHNNY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "But did your grandfather eat 6 chocolate bars at a time?" Little JOHNNY answered, "No, but he minded his own damn business. . ."    Report

20/06/2008, 8:39 powerdesal Joined on 07/01/2006 Sharjah U.A.E Posts 2,173 Re: Silly joke- Series2 Recently, a large hospital hired several cannibals to increase their > > diversity. > > > > "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during > > the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to > > the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." > > > > So the cannibals promised they would not, and started work. > > > > Four weeks later their boss called them all into the office and remarked, > > "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have > > noticed a marked increase in the whole hospital's performance. However, > > one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened > > to her?" > > > > The cannibals all shook their heads and said "No." > > > > After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, > > "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You > > fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers > > and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone > > who actually does something..." Steve Sharjah (but not for long ) + 50 (in France) ........................................................................... 7 days Ins'Allah (1 with the packers, 2 for the week end, 4 for work)( or maybe 8, or 9, or 10 or 11 or....)    Report

20/06/2008, 8:41 powerdesal Joined on 07/01/2006 Sharjah U.A.E Posts 2,173 Re: Silly joke- Series2 Discovered in my old e mails box:- Dear All My sincere thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........ I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.  I also now have to scrub the top of every can I open, for the same reason! I no longer have any bank savings because I gave it to a sick kiddie who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000.000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program ......... Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 freaking angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a rancid water buffalo on a hot day! Thanks to all of you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains and explodes with mentos. I no longer can buy petrol without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan . I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum. And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the 20 bucks I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 73 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.   I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. By the way....after a lengthy study, a South Australian scientist has discovered that people with low IQ and poor sexual prowess always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. ............................................Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late! Yours sincerely Disillusioned email reader.... Steve Sharjah (but not for long ) + 50 (in France) ........................................................................... 7 days Ins'Allah (1 with the packers, 2 for the week end, 4 for work)( or maybe 8, or 9, or 10 or 11 or....)    Report

20/06/2008, 12:23 Christine Animal Joined on 14/05/2005 Deux-Sèvres Posts 4,260 Re: Silly joke- Series2  People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.  Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.  So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"  The man; replied, "Yep, sure do."  "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.  "Nope, sure ain't." said the man  "Don't you realize I can kill with a word?" asked Satan.  "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.  "Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY  for all eternity?" persisted Satan.  "Yep," was the calm reply.  "And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.  "Nope," said the old man.  More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 44 years."   animalaidsaintaubin.monsite.orange.fr/ Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful    Report

20/06/2008, 12:33 Gluestick Joined on 22/03/2006 UK and Nord Pas de Calais Posts 2,342 Re: Silly joke- Series2 I ever I needed a raison d'être for considering some serious drinking.......................   "Yes, but that apart, Mrs Lincoln, did you enjoy the play?" Gluestick    Report

20/06/2008, 12:38 Dick Smith Joined on 23/08/2004 Surrey and Manche (Pays Mortainais) Posts 8,781 Re: Silly joke- Series2 After you with that bottle... Regards Dick Smith Nowhere is there warmth to be found Among those afraid of losing their ground    Report

20/06/2008, 13:42 Gluestick Joined on 22/03/2006 UK and Nord Pas de Calais Posts 2,342 Re: Silly joke- Series2 Reminds of that old but wonderful joke about the temperance meeting in Scotland........................ Having waxed lyrical over the dangers of the Demon Drink and John Barleycorn etc, the preacher then said: "My friends! I shall present to ye a wee demonstration of the evils of the Demon Drink!" He proceeded to drop two live worms into two tall tumblers. "Ye will observe ma friends, that the wee wurm on the left is wriggling and happy: that tumbler contains poure water, Adam's Ale, God's gift to all 'a mankind!" "Ye will note that the wee worm on the right has ceased moving because he is dead! And that tumbler, " he thundered," Contains pure whusky, the Devil's poison!" "Now, my friends, what does this tell ye?" A man, sotto voce rumbled from the rear, "If ye drink whusky, ye dinna suffer wi worms!"   "Yes, but that apart, Mrs Lincoln, did you enjoy the play?" Gluestick    Report

21/06/2008, 9:49 ErnieY Joined on 05/12/2006 Nr Prayssac (Lot) Posts 3,551 Re: Silly joke- Series2 Who was Jesus ? There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother 2. He liked Gospel 3. He didn't get a fair trial But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands 2. He had wine with His meals 3. He used olive oil But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian : 1. He never cut His hair 2. He walked around barefoot all the time 3. He started a new religion But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian : 1. He was at peace with nature 2. He ate a lot of fish 3. He talked about the Great Spirit But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1 He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 conclusive arguments that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do. My doctor said one drink per day, I can live with that !    Report

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