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 18/05/2008, 20:35
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vervialle
Joined on 30/04/2005
Nr Eymoutiers/Essex
Posts 270
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I need help to put my feelings aside,my son was happy go lucky, now I hardly know him,he has been with his present girlfriend for two years, I do not dislike her and she has good manners,but she is so shallow,and the most important thing in her life is looking stunning and beautiful,cooking is below her and she looks at me like I have come from another planet when I put on a good spread,my son loves his food, she is like a stick insect, she is in bed for 10pm most nights as she is so tired, and my son has started saying he is tired at 10pm, which I know is a load of Boll...cks.I know you cannot do anything about it, but he was so different before her,do I pretend she is the best thing since slice bread, I have so far, oh it is very difficult.
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18/05/2008, 20:40
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Russethouse
 
Joined on 23/08/2004
Forum Moderator
Posts 9,874
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18/05/2008, 21:14
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vervialle
Joined on 30/04/2005
Nr Eymoutiers/Essex
Posts 270
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He is 22 years old and has always been really easy and no trouble,I know you must not say anything and I don,t, but it is so sad to see him trying to please her by doing everything she suggests and you can see he is torn between what he would normally do and what he must now do.We cannot change as a family and he finds it really diificult now to carry on ,and seems to have to ask her before he does anything,I know you hear lots of people complaining about their sons partners, but I just want him to be able to be himself and be happy.
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18/05/2008, 21:34
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Russethouse
Joined on 23/08/2004
Forum Moderator
Posts 9,874
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Can you ask her round ? Include her in family activities etc ? You may find that the contrast between her life and what he is used to works in your favour.....
www.quimperclub.org
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18/05/2008, 22:12
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vervialle
Joined on 30/04/2005
Nr Eymoutiers/Essex
Posts 270
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She comes round all the time, but never sleeps at our house as she says my cat makes her sneeze, which I fully understand.My son comes in for all his meals as they do not seem to have dinners at her house and he is a big eater.Today I had a Barbq for his birthday and his girlfriend and mother did not know what a trout was,which I found a bit suprising.My son lives in London so only comes home roughly about once a month, so I never want to have words and always make a fuss of him.All I want is for him to be himself, I know he has a very high pressured job, so I will always just be there for him, but I just feel he is making so many sacrifices. Iam sure I will not be the first or the last with these worries, but they are so precious .
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18/05/2008, 22:22
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Anna
Joined on 23/08/2004
Dordogne
Posts 171
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This is probably not what you want to hear and I do empathise with you! However, 15 and a half years on and I'm still working hard at pleasing my daughter-in-law! As far as I have found, there is no other way if you want to keep you son and, in our case, our three grandchildren. That old saying comes to mind....."a daughter is a daughter for all of her life, a son is a son till he takes a wife! Very true!
I'm sure there will be others who have different experiences of daughters-in-law. Mine is very nice at times and can be extremely caring and helpful too but only when it pleases her. The latest little niggle (but I'll never let on it's a niggle!) was when my youngest daughter visited them for a night and went to wash her hands at the kitchen sink. She asked for the soap and was told that there wasn't any in the kitchen as her brother had this nasty habit of washing his dirty hands in the kitchen sink and that is so unhygenic! Well, of course, where would he get that nasty habit from? I rest my case!
I have never fallen out with my daughter-in-law and my advice to you is to roll your shoulders, count to ten and keep sight of the fact that your son has made his choice and unfortunately you have no say in that choice! And, for goodness sake, don't fall out with her or you will most likely loose your son as well....after all, to him, she is the best thing since sliced bread!
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18/05/2008, 22:52
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Cathy
Joined on 07/03/2006
Mostly near Bordeaux; Sometimes near Bristol
Posts 1,720
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As I see it. V's son has not married this girlfriend (yet) or moved in with him and so surely the advice that V needs is slightly different than for an "official" daughter-in-law. Can one influence a son so that he realises that perhaps she isn't the best choice or is that a dangerous course of action? Do sons marry regardless of what their mothers think? I know that my husband would not have married me if his Mum had not liked me - but is that unusual?
Cathy
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Your children won't remember you ironing their pyjamas but they will remember you reading them a bedside story.
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18/05/2008, 23:03
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J.R's gone native
Joined on 16/07/2006
Picardie, Sussex
Posts 1,828
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 Cathy wrote: | | Can one influence a son so that he realises that perhaps she isn't the best choice or is that a dangerous course of action? |
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What is so wrong with a shallow, stunning, beautifull looking stick insect?
Can all the footballers and celebs be so wrong?
My answer is probably yes!
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France Forum » General Discuss... » Other Topics » Daughter in laws
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